Tutor girl’s gone fcking bananas
by Micktrex
Summary: The revamp of Angel211's abomination of a baley fic. I've pretty much just screwed around with it for comical results. I hope... It's M because well....you'll see :D


**Tutor girl's gone fcking bananas**

**A.N: Okay, people this may come as a shock to you all but I've actually taken angel211's "plan-crash-into-a-ship-wreck" story and agreed to make it something readable. Oh I do slag that girl off I know but honestly…her writing makes newborn puppies cry blood. Plus, this little project is easy to do while my exams are on and when they are finally over I can finish Lessons in love. I know you want the hot baleyness you'll get it! Just be patient…in the meantime amuse yourselves with this.**

**I've basically half improved it, half over exaggerated the bad writing and plot. Mwhahahah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own one tree hill and sure as hell didn't come up with this plot crap! Enjoy the new version.**

"_Mrs. Scott? You have a Visitor"_

_Haley spun around her eyes lit up thinking it was Nathan._

"_Peyton !"_

Haley turned to see Peyton and she gave her a warm hug right away. But then her smile fell when she saw the look in Peyton's eyes. Peyton's eyes……were totally un-narly.

"Peyton what is it, why are you here? Not that I mind but you don't look to good" Haley asked the blonde bitch with the "I suck emo's" t-shirt.

"Haley there's something … something terrible has happened" she took a large dramatic breath, sucking the majority of the oxygen out of the room causing several people to choke and fall to their knees. Haley looked at her with concern in her eyes. Her big chocolaty fudge filled eyes.

"Haley, Lucas…"

"I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"Lucas what? What happened"? She said with a lump in her throat

"Lucas died Haley… from the same heart disease Dan had" She said with sadness in her voice and feeling sorry for her friend. (Wow, no shit)

Haley's face went from utter shock to just plain horror to sadness all in one shot. (That's some face)

She went to hug Peyton again and she just bawled her eyes out, shaking with sob after sob.

She composed herself and asked, "How is Karen doing"?

"She's- hang on…what the fuck! Is that it? Aren't you devastated Lucas is dead?"

"Well I guess, but I'm a star now! I have no time to weep over the insignificant nobodies in my life."

"But it's LUCAS…your childhood friend; he was practically your brother!" Peyton reasoned disbelievingly.

"Meh, he smelled funny" Haley shrugged. _Unluckily for her, Peyton doesn't no the real reason Lucas died. I switched his medication with heart-explosion pills because he tried to get with Brooke…Brooke is mine. Mine!_ "Teach that bitch to try steal her away from me" Haley mumbled evilly.

"Do what now and why?" Peyton asked completely lost and confused now. "Have you started doing drugs because of the whole "star" thing?" Haley just giggled and tapped her nose while winking slyly. "Umm….okay so you've completely lost the plot! (She's not the only one! I'm sorry I'm mean, I really am) Haley, I came here to see if you wanted to come back to Tree Hill. I'm starting to think that was a dumb idea"

"Aww, its okay you're blonde, you were born stupid!" Haley exclaimed as she squeezed Peyton's cheeks together and imitated her squashed face. "I'll come back with you since Brooke's finally free for a stuffing" Haley said smiling lustfully.

"WHAT!"

"I said I might as well get a look at the coffin" Haley repeated simply, "I'll go right after this last song and I'll just go back to Tree Hill forever and ever! Yay!"

Peyton turns to the readers "Can you believe this shit?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose and replied, "Fine, whatever. I'll wait for you to finish and you can meet me outside with Jake"

"Kickass!" Haley said excitedly hugging Peyton for a little while longer, sobbing a bit until she heard a knock on the door. (Why is she sobbing now?)

Chris' voice resounded through her backstage door, "Haley come on move it we have to perform"

She sighed irritably, "OKAY I'M COMING FAG KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON!" Haley yelled back and went to the door, taking her guitar and looking back at Peyton as she gave her a small smile.

"I told you not to call me that!" Chris said when she opened the door.

"Shut up fagbag and move your fag ass and your damn fag guitar to the stage!" Haley barked dismissively "God I hate this fag," she announced to Peyton, "See you in a bit blondo!"

Peyton watched her leave and listened to the two argue as the walked up the corridor to the performance area. She felt inside her pocket and took out her crazy pills, ignoring the recommended dosage and scoffing the whole bottle. "If that doesn't stop the madness I'm getting tranquilizers"

When Haley came to the stage and took the mic she said, "Hey guys this is the last song of the evening me and Faggalo over there will be singing so enjoy!" Chris glowered at her red-faced as she beamed at him. "Oh yeah I'm leaving the tour and never coming back!"

The audience gasped.

"I just received the sad news that my best friend died of a heart disease, yeah I know it sucks major ass and so I must go back to Tree Hill. I hope you all understand and please enjoy this last song."

"Sing bitch!"

The audience clapped and cheered as Chris and she started to sing.

_Oh Lukey why, did you have to die?_

_How can I eat this blueberry pie?_

_With you six feet under and decaying away_

_You are a total gayyyyyy……_

_Gay, such a gay, go away gay-gay,_

_That's all I need to say,_

_But now Brooke is mine,_

_Damn her ass is mighty fine,_

_I just wanna pin her to the wall, arms above her head,_

_AND FUCK HER TILL I'M DEAD! heavy rock music play as she head bangs_

Throws herself wildly into the crowd

The concert ended and she headed to her changing room when Chris suddenly grabbed her by the arm. She looked back at him and glared. "Let go Faghat"

"You can't leave just like that you know, you have a contract you have to stay for one more month" he raged furiously.

"I can leave if it's a family problem and Lucas Scott is my family so there, Fag!"

"YOU CAN'T CALL ME FAG YOU'RE NOT GAY!

"WANNA BET!" Haley retorted firmly before stalking off to find Peyton.

"Gah, fine leave!" Chris bellowed, then he turned away from her and rubbed his hands together evilly. "Yes, go…go back to your precious Tree Hill with its precious Brooke and then…then you shall die! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"I can still hear you Mr. Fagtastic!"

"GOD DAMMIT!"

When Haley reached her dressing room she told Peyton she would be ready to leave in a few minutes, she had to get all her things together. Including her storage of crack.

A few minutes later they were heading off and when they got to the parking lot Jake was waiting for them with Jenny. Jenny gave Haley the finger from a distance

He waved and Peyton smiled, Haley looking confused as she was positive the baby had just sworn at her. She turned to Jake and smiled weakly.

When they got to the van he gave them both a big hug. Jenny gave Haley the finger.

He then told Haley his condolences. (Told her his condolences…okay…)"Haley we're here for you if you ever need anything just call" Jake said softly, "Except Saturday's. I get wasted on Saturday"

"I might take you up on that Jakey boy; I don't have a place to stay"

"Ok then but I must say we live somewhere else it's some what far from Tree Hill"

"WTF! WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING BACK TO TREE HILL IF YOU DON'T LIVE THERE! NOW YOU GET IN THAT CAR AND YOU DRIVE ME TO TREE HILL BITCH!"

A silence followed as Jake stared wide-eyed at the volatile Haley. "Yeah she's been like this the whole time" Peyton explain. Jake nodded slowly.

"Sure…we can go to Tree hill for now"

"Damn right you non-contraception using hebitch" Haley boomed crazily.

"Good let's get going then" Peyton said as she took Jenny and put her on her baby seat. Jake took Haley's things and put them in the trunk. Haley sat next to Jenny. Jenny gave her the finger and Haley being totally shocked by Jenny's animosity towards her replied by mouthing "Back the fuck off you midgety fucktard". Peyton and Jake sat together at the front. Jake was at the steering wheel drinking heavily. It would be a long ride back to Tree Hill.

**Endness of chapter oneness**

**A.N: Well that's chapter 1…I know it's a load of crap but that's what I had to work with :D hahaha oh loving being mean to angel I cant help it. She ruined baley! With her threesomes and perverted baby erotica…ugh! Review it if you can bring yourself to.**


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